


Sakurairo Maukoro

by MidoriOokami



Series: Kiseki-verse [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, How Do I Tag, I'm writing a follow up, Prelude, Romance, Setting the stage, This is part one of a series, Tobirama Senju - Freeform, Tragedy, Uchiha Tajima - Freeform, Warring States Period (Naruto), backstory to the real story, hashirama senju - Freeform, no beta we die like men, peripheral main characters, star-crossed lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-21
Updated: 2019-08-21
Packaged: 2020-09-06 15:34:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20293828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidoriOokami/pseuds/MidoriOokami
Summary: Dark blue filled his view before gentle hands directed his eyes up onto the woman's face. She was smiling at him and trying not to laugh. “You cannot be much of a ninja if you cannot even walk in an empty field without hurting yourself.” She grinned.“Please don’t tell anyone” He groaned closing his eyes and placing his hands over his face.Senju Kashiwa didn't know it yet, but this was the start of his story. The start of his adventure. And looking back on it, he didn't think he'd change a moment of it.





	Sakurairo Maukoro

**Author's Note:**

> Very OC centric. I have some main characters in here, but they only exist peripherally. 
> 
> The title comes from the song Sakurairo Maukoro by Minako Kawae. 
> 
> This is the prelude to a larger story I am currently working on and exists within my Kiseki-verse, I hope that even if you choose to not read the larger story, you can still enjoy this one.
> 
> This story is a tragedy, and there is a little blood and a death, I'll put the spoilers for that in the endnotes.
> 
> Also, if you are interested in name meanings that were given to the characters, or about the choice of music, it's all in the endnotes, so please enjoy!
> 
> (Also if anyone has advice on how to tag, I would very much appreciate it)

Senju Kashiwa had always been, for the most part, an average person. He was an average ninja, an average son, and of average looks. He had little ambition and average goals. As a child, he had dreamed of going into battle with his kin, but after his first war party, he realized that the battles he had dreamed of as a child, were just that, dreams and imaginary. Real battle was messy, with arterial spray and friendly fire. The smell could get so bad sometimes that you could barely breathe, with guts spilling out of friends and foes and cooking flesh popping and hissing…

After his first battle, Kashiwa had quickly decided to be an average fighter and dedicated all his training towards speed. If he was fast, then he could take courier missions and stay off the battlefield while still doing his duty for his clan. 

It was a life that suited him well. 

His sister despaired him, and his mother laughed with crinkled eyes when she pinched his cheeks and told him he was a sweet boy. Too kind for this life. 

He often wondered what it would have been like to have been born a civilian. To be a farmer or an artisan. He loved his family and loved his clan, but he couldn’t help but think that the life of a non-ninja was a far less complicated one. 

He had never felt more strongly of this than when, while on a courier mission to Yamacho to requisition some supplies he came across a woman of unparalleled beauty picking flowers in a field not far outside a small farming village. 

Her hair was so black, it almost shone blue when the sunlight hit it. It draped down her back in a long heavy braid leaving her face bare to the sun. Her skin was milky white and her eyes were large and dark. Even her yukata held an understated beauty, in a rich navy with a white obi embroidered with birds. However, her grass sandals were worn, and the sleaves of her yukata had seen obvious wear. Likely, her clothes were heirlooms, passed onto her when she had reached marrying age. But what a lucky man would marry such a beauty befitting a daimyo. For her to be a simple farmer's daughter…

He would bemoan it as a waste, but her life would be simple. She wouldn’t live a life full of drama and blood that a ninja’s life would bring. She would never have to battle and fend off the political manipulations that a nobles life would bring. Her decisions would be focused inward to a small focus group. Her parents, her husband, her children, maybe some siblings, long term thinking would be about whether or not she would ever get grandchildren, not about the legacy of a clan that was dying out.

He was going to move on. The mission needed to be completed. But, when would he ever get the chance to talk to a woman as beautiful as this one?

Kashiwa jumped down from the tree he was standing in and walked towards her. The sun was shining, the breeze was gentle and the air smelled like the flowers that were growing in the open field. It was picturesque, yet all his attention was focused on the young woman kneeling on the ground pulling plants to place in her basket. 

“Hello” He waved and smiled as he drew near.

Her head snapped up and her eyes shot to his face before she threw herself back as if she’d been hit, snagging her basket in one hand. Kashiwa stopped where he stood and focused on her face. Her eyes were wide and she was breathing hard, her pulse jumping in her throat.

While he was jealous of civilians, he had forgotten that they frightened easily and while to him ninja were a daily occurrence, civilians rarely interacted with ninja unless they had a substantial amount of money. Something this farmer's daughter would not have.

“I’m sorry, my name is Kashiwa, I saw you picking plants and thought I could lend you a hand?” He grinned and held his hands up in the universal sign for ‘I am unarmed and therefore not dangerous’ “I won’t hurt you.”

She sat and clutched her basket for what seemed like an eternity before she started to visibly put herself back together. She took a deep breath, sat up in a more dignified manner than the sprawl she had fallen into when he had startled her and dusted her yukata off. She took her eyes off him for a moment to look around the field before resting her eyes back on his face. She clutched her basket tight before standing. Facing him on her feet.

“Kashiwa you said?” Her voice was lovely too. “Why on earth would you want to help me?”

“Would it be terrible to say I want to help you because you are the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on?” He replied, feeling his face stretch into a larger smile at the started look on her face. 

“It would.” She answered her surprise quickly disappearing. Her eyes were narrow and her mouth a tight angry line. “I suppose you stop and help all the beautiful women you meet on your travels sir ninja. Bed them too. I will warn you, I will not be accommodating to any such advances and should you make any attempts on my body I shall endeavor to make it a hellish experience.”

Kashiwa back-peddled fast “No! I would never! You’ve misunderstood, I was just delivering a scroll and saw you here in the field. Your beauty made me pause and I felt to let any chance to talk to you pass me by would be such a waste! I won’t touch you, I’ll leave right now if you ask me too!”

He moved away from her keeping his eyes focused on her face and her dark angry eyes. He was an idiot! Why did he think this was a good idea? Of course, she would be scared! He was a stranger and a ninja and she was alone! In a field far away from the nearest house no less! If he just-

And that was about when he stepped in a hole, tripped backward and smacked his head hard on the ground. He might have even blacked out for a moment. When he opened his eyes the world seemed to twist and there was a loud ringing noise that he was more familiar with when an explosive tag had gone off too close in battle than in an empty field with nothing but a civilian woman nearby.

He groaned and rolled over feeling his ankle protest the movement. He was going to be laughed out of the clan if anyone ever found out about this back home. 

Dark blue filled his view before gentle hands directed his eyes up onto the woman's face. She was smiling at him and trying not to laugh. “You cannot be much of a ninja if you cannot even walk in an empty field without hurting yourself.” She grinned.

“Please don’t tell anyone” He groaned closing his eyes and placing his hands over his face. How mortifying.

She laughed and helped him sit up. “I shall sing from the rooftops about the ninja I met in a field. Steady as an oak I thought, believed him to be stable and wise, yet his inability to walk came as a great surprise! Why, everyone will think I have lost my mind, meeting such an unlikely person!”

He laughed “It is pretty unlikely, isn’t it? No one would believe you, ninja are supposed to be graceful aren’t they?”

“Well, you would know I suppose.” She smiled while sitting in seiza, her basket sitting next to her. “You may call me Kotomi.” She said, “I believe any man who had made such a great fool of himself on account of a beautiful face deserves some sort of reward.”

He grinned. “Kotomi, huh? Bit full of yourself? Maybe I’m just that clumsy?” 

“Now see here sir,” and her eyes were fairly dancing in mirth “I have been told that my beauty is so all-encompassing that even ninja stop their journeys so that they may only speak to me.”

“Travelling ninja huh? That is pretty impressive. I should be honored that you would suffer my presence.” He tossed his head and pointed his nose up, channeling a snooty noble he had once guarded.

She giggled raising one dainty hand to cover her mouth. “And suffer I shall.”

What followed was perhaps one of the most wonderful afternoons of Kashiwa’s life even though he did end up helping Kotomi pick wild herbs and strip bark from trees all while balancing on a single leg. It was an innocent afternoon. Filled with simple conversation and laughter as they teased each other. And when the sun approached the horizon, Kashiwa bowed deeply and sincerely to Kotomi and bid her a good evening and thanked her for the peaceful afternoon.

When she cautiously asked how long his courier mission would last, Kashiwa answered honestly; and when she gently suggested he should return through this field on his way back home, Kashiwa was quick to promise his expedient and punctual return. 

One meet up became two, became three, became more. 

Spring changed to Summer to Autumn. 

She kissed him under an oak tree laughing at him when he tripped on an exposed root. Her laughter turned to shrieks of joy when he pulled her down after him kissing her soundly while she sat in his lap her fingers wound through his hair. 

He’d never been more in love.

He’d also never taken so many courier missions in his life. He was earning a reputation. Efficient, fast, successful. While once he had been nothing but an average ninja with little going for him, suddenly he was in demand. Favoured for missions over other older ninja. His clan head had even nodded at him in acknowledgment the last time he had handed a mission over. 

If only he knew that the reason for the sudden improvement was nothing more than a sickness of the heart that Kashiwa wished to drown in. Every day, all day, his thoughts returned to Kotomi and her dark eyes and ebony hair. Her wide smile and cheerful laugh. 

But while his clan head would never know or understand why his mission success had all of a sudden increased so rapidly, Kashiwa had never been able to fool his mother. Honestly, it was a miracle he managed to avoid talking with his mother about the whole thing for as long as he did. 

“Kashiwa, you know I will always love you, don’t you?” His mother asked over an evening meal one unremarkable evening. 

“Mother?” His mother while one for sentiment and often accused of having a soft heart, was unlikely to bring such matters up without reason. 

“Darling, you know I love you, don’t you? And that your sister wishes to be just like you, as smart and successful as you on the field?” His mother said resting her chopsticks on the table before folding her hands. Her sharp blue eyes focused on his face. She waited. Her patience as steadfast as a mountain weathering the passage of time. 

“Of course, Mom. I know you both love me. I love you too.” He answered dropping his chopsticks to the table less gracefully than her. 

“Then you know we want you to be happy, don’t you? Wherever that may be.” Here her eyes sharpened, “I will love you no matter where you are, and if you suddenly left if you needed to go, you would know that I would forgive you and still love you with all my heart?” 

“Of course mom. You would know that I would always love you too dontcha? You and imouto”

When she reached out and grabbed his hands, raising them to her forehead with tears in her eyes Kashiwa cried deep heavy tears. Why had he ever been born a ninja?

~

Despite his spring romance, the darkness that dogged his every step could not be forgotten or dismissed. 

Skirmishes were increasing in frequency between the Senju and Uchiha and unrest was stirring in the Senju clan. While the firstborn and clan heir of the Senju Clan was looked upon with promise, Butsuma-sama’s second child had been received with less… acceptance. 

Kashiwa wasn’t one for believing in the gods, but something about Butsuma’s second child made him wonder if his clan head had pissed off some powerful entity. 

Kashiwa had only caught a glimpse of the child very briefly as the firstborn, little Hashirama had tugged urgently on his mother's skirts demanding that she lower her arms so that Hashirama could make sure that Tobi was still doing okay. 

“You said he’s my little brother Mama! I want to see! I want to see! Mama please, can I see Tobi?” 

Kashiwa had seen little Hashirama before, running about the compound from the moment he was able to walk. He hadn’t been aware that children came with that level of energy and it didn’t surprise him at all when Butsuma’s honourable wife sighed and leaned over to let her louder and more demanding child assure himself of Tobi’s comfort. 

The child was white. 

His skin was near translucent, Kashiwa could see pale blue veins in the babe's cheeks and his hair… where had a Senju gotten such white hair? And when little Hashirama poked the child in the cheek much to his mother’s scolding and the babe opened his red, red eyes….

Kashiwa understood the rumors about the main family being cursed. 

When a month later Kashiwa heard rumors of the baby being sickly and unwell, he was ashamed to admit to himself that he felt relief. With any luck, the child would not live to see his first year. Lady Senju would have a third child, preferably a son and the murmurings about cursed families and ill omens would fade away with this second-born, unnatural child.

Honestly, some of the rumors were getting ridiculous. Just this week Kashiwa had heard that not only was lady Senju a yukionna but also that Butsuma had made a bad deal with an ice kami to wipe out their enemies but instead got tricked and ended up with a changeling child. Kashiwa supposed it didn’t help that this winter was shaping up to be a cold one, with howling winds, and sheets of ice rain that pelted the skin. Kashiwa’s knuckles had split with the cold and everyone's lips cracked and bled. 

When winter’s bite took its first victim the rumors surrounding the second child hit a fever pitch, one of the spirit doctors even demanding that the child be sent back into the woods where it came from, to return it to its people. Clearly, the kami were upset to have lost such a child to bring such a terrible winter upon the Senju?

Kashiwa thought of red eyes and mutterings of a changeling child and an older brother who had stopped running around the compound so that he may by all accounts stay with his younger brother. 

Kashiwa’s cousin Kaede had even gossiped over tea one afternoon over having caught Hashirama crying in a garden the other day. She reported with a grim face over how he had been weeping and terrified that some ice monster was going to spirit his brother away into another realm. 

Poor kid was only 3. He didn’t need that kind of stress in his life.

There was nothing that Kashiwa could do about it though. Other than pray that when the child died, Hashirama could take solace in believing his little Tobi was with the ice kami. 

Kashiwa’s sympathy for the child would do nothing. And he understood this. He could only refuse to listen to the pervasive rumors about demons and monsters and changelings and continue to run his missions. Kepp passing through an empty field devoid of life in this extreme winter's chill and hope for spring. Keep himself safe and his little sister safe. 

Fire country warmed again with the arrival of spring. 

The child survived.

Kashiwa didn’t know how to feel about this. The Clan did not know how to feel about this. Everyone had thought the babe would die. 

Distraction for the clan came in the form of an announcement. Lady Senju grew new life within her. A third heir was on its way.

Distraction came for Kashiwa in the form of the return of Kotomi. 

As he did with all his courier missions, Kashiwa made sure to always run through his and Kotomi’s field on the chance that she may be out there picking herbs and harvesting materials to put into her basket. 

And on one bright, sunny afternoon she was. 

She still wore the same yukata and obi. She still had the same basket hanging off of her arm. Her ebony hair was done up in a simple bun, and she still smiled when she caught sight of him, her arm waving above her head while she called his name. 

And, oh, it had been a long winter. 

They dropped together on the ground, their bodies joining together for the first time in ecstasy. 

~

He walked on clouds for the next month. She had missed him as much as he had missed her. 

“Mother… do you think I could petition the council to marry a civilian?” He asked one evening.

His sister promptly started to choke on her fish, letting out a god awful wheeze while she hit herself in the chest. “You gotta work up to a question like that! Or at least wait until after the meal so I don’t die!” She yelled.

“You’re really this surprised? I knew he was meeting with someone since last year, I’m surprised it took you this long to ask. I thought the reason you didn’t tell me was because they were from another clan.” His mother sighed in relief.

Kashiwa gaped. That’s why she had been telling him he could run away! “Mom, no! She’s apprenticed to the healer in town! I’m pretty sure her dad is a farmer!”

His mother laughed, “Kashiwa if she is a would-be healer, the council would approve in an instant. She would be an asset to the clan.”

Kashiwa leaned back in his chair while his sister leaned into his space, “So… What’s her name? What’s she look like? Is she hot? Will I get to meet her? Have you started making her a flower crown?”

His mother laughed and started eating again. He would get no help from her. 

“Her name is Kotomi, and she’s the most beautiful woman alive, I think the only reason she likes me is because I make her laugh when I trip over my own feet.” He answered. 

“... And the crown?” His mother asked.

“I don’t know if civilians make flower crowns to propose like we do.” He answered, “I’ve been trying to figure out a way to ask her, but every time I work up the nerve, I look at her and get scared she’ll say no.” He reached for his chopsticks and started to pick at his food. 

“You’ll just have to ask her. We girls like it when men just ask instead of fumble around. I should know.” His sister said, “You’ll also have to let me meet her, she’s going to be my new sister so I have to approve.” She crossed her arms and tossed her nose in the air. 

“Just ‘cause you’re a girl doesn’t mean that you know everything. Besides you only hang out with men, what do you know about civilian women?” He asked, “You guys are nothing alike anyways, she’s much nicer than you are for one.”

“Oi!” She yelled before stealing his rice and grunting, “taxation for being mean.” 

He sighed. Yeah, Kotomi was nothing like his sister. She was  _ much  _ nicer. 

“Your sister is not entirely wrong.” His mother said still working through her own meal, “You need to ask her. Her family might require a dowry to accept.”

A dowry? He hadn’t even thought of that. While it was sometimes required from the Senju’s tributary clans when marriages happened, most often the only true requirement was the approval of the clan matchmaker if the two individuals were of the same social status or the approval of the council for matters of extenuating circumstances such as the marriage that Kashiwa was considering proposing. The only thing that seemed to remain consistent was the importance placed on the engagement crown. After all, most marriages were between clan members and even if two members moved from their family homes, they were still so close to their families that no one felt a dowry was necessary, everyone was working towards the same goal after all, and everyone supported each other. This is what it meant to be Clan. To be Family.

But if he was taking Kotomi away from her family, especially since it appeared she was going to have a promising career as a healer which would highly benefit her family, it might be necessary or even a requirement that Kashiwa give something to the family that he was going to ask her to leave.

But his mother and his sister were both right. Constantly putting it off wasn’t working. He was just going to have to (as cousin Kaede said) ‘Man up’, and just ask.

~

“...Kotomi… I want to ask you something…” Kashiwa started tentatively one week later.

She sat up from her easy sprawl on the ground her naked chest on full display as she leaned over to rest on his chest, bringing their faces closer to each other. “Sounds serious. Is this the matter that has had you repeatedly tongue-tied in our last few encounters?”

“Er, it is…” It seemed that even all the love he had for this woman was not making bringing up proper courting and proposal procedures easier. Why was he like this!?

“I must admit, you have made me very curious for the past month and I would very much desire that curiosity to be appeased.” She grinned at him, and wow. He was going to try and propose to her, she might even say yes.

“Um, well, I was wondering... I want to, ya know, and I don’t know how it works on your end?” He was already smacking himself in the face with his hands to hide because that attempt had just been embarrassing. No worse than that, dear Kami, his mother must have dropped him on his head when he was a baby.

“I must assure you, I do not in fact ‘ya know’, though if you are asking about sex from my end, I believe it works much the same as it does for you.” She was trying not to laugh at him. He could tell. He peeked between his fingers and saw her grinning widely at him with her head resting on her folded hands laying across his chest. And why was this so difficult?! He’d known her for a year, they were engaging in a physical relationship, this should be easy!

“No! Not  _ sEx!  _ ” And did his voice just crack!? 

“You’ll have to be more clear my love. I am afraid that while it may sometimes seem as if I am able, I cannot actually read your mind.” And why did she have to sound so reasonable! 

“Iwanttoknowhowyourfamilydoesengagements!” He gasped continuing to hide his face.

She was silent. Was that a good sign? Was that a bad sign? Oh kami, his face felt like it was on fire and he was undoubtedly as red as an Uzumaki’s hair.

Her hands tugged at his hands and he removed them to look at her. Her eyes were wide and she looked pale. “Engagement traditions? Are you… are you serious?” He could feel her heart trying to beat itself out of her chest, pounding a rabbit quick beat, reverberating in his ribcage. 

“Yes?...” He sat up and held her in his lap. “I love you, so so much, and in my clan, the-the Senju,” (Oh kami there was no going back now that his clan name had been said) “We-we make flower crowns for our intended and-and if they accept we become engaged until the wedding ceremony, but I don’t know how it works for ya know, civilians and-and… why are you looking at me like that?” He had noticed it more and more as he kept talking, her pulling back from his chest her eyes getting wider, her colour fading while a cold sweat broke out over her skin, but now her jaw was slightly slack as she stared at him in horror.

“You-you… You really do not know who I am?” She breathed out in a whisper so quiet he barely heard it. “A whole year? You did not know?”

“Know? Know what?” What was he missing? Their clan didn’t do any trade with the village she came from how was he supposed to know who she was?

“I knew, from the moment you first came to this field that you were a Senju, how could I not, what with you wearing your symbol right there on your shoulder… but you did not recognize me? Are you not a ninja!” She suddenly yelled standing up, her hands shaking wildly as she ran them through her hair.

“I don’t underst-”

“My name is UCHIHA KOTOMI!” She cried, “How could you not know? I look like all my other clansmen! My hair and pale skin, my-my black eyes! This yukata and obi! Did you think that-that a villager would have an obi like this!?”

The bottom had dropped out from his stomach, his eyes had narrowed in focus to just Kotomi’s face-no, Uchiha Kotomi’s face, and how could he have been so stupid, she did-she did look like an Uchiha, the colouring was right, but she never wore her clan symbol and… “If you knew I was a Senju, why did you ever allow me to-to!” He couldn’t find the words!

“I do not know! You were just so charming and seemed like a bumbling idiot! You made me laugh and I had been fighting with my brother and it just seemed… you just… the world felt good for once when you were in this field helping me harvest medicine for the first time and you… I just thought that you did not care that I was an Uchiha.” Kotomi stood looking down at him still sitting struck dumb on the ground, her hands were by her sides now, and she was completely defenseless, naked without a tool on her. He should kill her. His clan would want him to kill her. 

He couldn’t do it. He could never do that. Not to her. 

“I… I didn’t know. I’ve only fought in one skirmish, after that, I made sure that the only missions I took were courier missions. I’m just a glorified delivery man. I hate fighting.” His head still like it was floating away and yet too heavy for his head. The field no longer seemed as vibrant as it had been a minute ago and there were dark spots forming in his vision. 

“Kashiwa… Kashiwa!” Kotomi was in front of him directing his head between his legs and kami this was awkward. “Darling, my love, relax, breathe, we will… we will figure this out.” She whispered running her hands through his hair while he continued to gasp like a fish out of water. And Kami his mother had been right, they were going to have to run, Kotomi was from another clan. 

Oh Kami, they were going to have to  _ run. _

“I always wanted to be a farmer.” He gasped before starting to laugh hysterically into his knees. Oh Kami, he was such a fucking fool. He was going to get them both  _ killed.  _

“...A what?” Kotomi was still rubbing his back, she probably thought he had lost all his marbles. Kami, he  _ might  _ have lost all his marbles. 

He calmed and looked up at her, “A farmer. Uchiha Kotomi, run away with me.”

And wow, her eyes, they were big and black and she was looking at him like she had been hit over the head with a club. He wasn’t supposed to look an Uchiha in the eyes.

“You wish to run away. With me.” She reaffirmed. 

He grabbed her hands and held them to his chest, “Kotomi, I love you. I love you more than words can possibly express. You’re incredibly smart and kind. You let me babble at you for hours and yet you still smile when you see me coming, and I can’t imagine living my life without you in it. Leave with me, please. We can, we can change our names and cut our hair and go live in… Hot Spring country! Yes, there! And we can be farmers and it won’t matter who our families are. Kotomi, I… I love you.” How had a simple question about engagement traditions turned into this? Kami, he was betraying his clan just suggesting this!

Kotomi stared at him. And stared some more. The field was quiet and he felt himself calm in the face of her steadiness. 

“Uchiha…” She closed her eyes and seemed to rally herself before fixing Kashiwa with an intense stare. “Uchiha do not make flower crowns. We make necklaces. They must be handmade, for they represent our hearts. We give them to our intended symbolically giving away our hearts as well. They must have a single charm or unique braiding pattern attached to the band which should sit between the collarbones that represents the giver. After marriage, another charm is added to hang below the first charm or braiding that represents the couple and the joining of their hearts.” Her hands tightened and loosened on his arms as her lips persed, becoming one thin pale line across her face. “I made… I made such a necklace ages ago for you. You already have my heart… and I hoped… that even if we must continue as we are, that you would accept it.”

“Are we… are we going to do this?” Kashiwa asked while running his hands through her thick hair. 

“I think we are. But we must wait until my brother takes a mission that will have him away from the clan for some time. He will notice my absence and he knows of my inclination to wander from the compound. He will look for me, and he is an accomplished tracker.” She curled into him and Kashiwa rubbed his temples feeling more exhausted than he had in a long time. A brother who was a tracker. Great. An  _ Uchiha  _ brother who was a tracker. Fuck. 

“Does he go on many missions like that?” He sighed. 

“...Not too many. He is… important to the clan.” He didn’t even need to look at Kotomi to know that she was holding something back. 

“Please just tell me. Let’s not… let’s just say things flat out. We’ve clearly established that I’m pretty dumb. I don’t do good with things like  _ subtext  _ and  _ reading between the lines _ and whatever else…” Kami, a whole  _ year _ .

“My… my nii-san is Uchiha Tajima.”

And Kashiwa was up standing on his feet body kicking straight into fight or flight as if the name would be enough to summon the man. “ _ Tajima! Not Tajima, Tajima! Please says he’s not the current clan heir!”  _ And the air was running away from him again, goodbye cruel world. Kashiwa had been sleeping with the current Uchiha clan head’s  _ daughter _ and the clan heir’s _ little sister _ . The field was getting spotty again. 

“Kashiwa! Breathe!” And Kotomi was pulling his head into her chest while she started to hum and rub his back again. This was a  _ mess  _ , He couldn’t outrun Tajima. He was-he was a courier ninja!

“You’re a member of the  _ main  _ family! How the hell are you in a field without guards!” He gasped and oh kami, were there Uchiha in the forest right  _ now _ !?

“Calm down, it is okay! My father favours me and lets me go on these jaunts to collect medicine because I insisted on a little independence… and I was also a rather willful child who may have accidentally set the living room on fire.” She grumbled, and the story was enough of a shock to have Kashiwa jerking his head up and gaping at Kotomi. 

“You set your living room on fire.” Prim and proper Kotomi did what. 

“It was 5 years ago, but no one has ever forgotten it. I  _ am _ rather proud of the event because it is what spurred my father into acquiescing to my desire to become a healer and the ensuing independence such a role would bring me.” And she did look proud, standing tall and naked and smirking at him with a glint in her eyes. 

“I can’t believe this is happening. This has got to be a dream or some sort of an alternate reality.” Kashiwa rubbed his forehead. What was his life? Everything had been so normal when he woke up this morning. 

Kotomi laughed, “Well if you have gone off the deep end, I suppose I better join you. Besides, it will be more fun if we are there together, no?”

“I love you.” He said, because really what else was there to say?

“Kashiwa, my heart has only pumped for you for the last year. It is yours, I love you.” Kotomi pushed into his space and tugged gently on his head to get him to look down at her. And he was looking into an Uchiha’s eyes again. Well, at least if this killed him, it was a lovely way to go. 

“So we’re doing this?”

“We are doing this.” 

And well, Kashiwa thought pulling her into a hug, it looked like he was going to be a farmer after all… But wait...

“Ah, you wouldn’t happen to actually know anything about farming, would you? ‘Cause I know nothing.” 

Kotomi’s laughter echoed in the field as she collapsed against him, and well, Kashiwa supposed that that was fair. 

~

When Kashiwa returned to the Senju compound, it was as if everything had turned a different colour, or someone had come in while he had been absent to move everything slightly off centre. The whole compound felt strange like it existed on a different plane of existence, or as if he was the only thing that was real. 

What did feel real was the pocket full of oak leaves he had sequestered on his person. 

Old Lady Sosoko was probably the closest thing to an expert on how to make accessories that the Senju had, and while Kashiwa had never made a necklace in his life, he was determined to try. He wanted to do this right. He had been prepared to assemble a dowry, he could make a necklace. How hard could it be?

“You want to use some of my resin to encase one of those leaves and then turn it into a necklace?” Old Lady Sosoko asked him like he had gone mad. “You know I use this resin for strengthening sheaths right? It’s not meant for what you want it to do.”

Okay, so she probably knew nothing about jewelry, but she did have resin, which was more than Kashiwa had, so it was a start. 

“...It’s for a girl isn’t it?” She asked with a sigh, “Well, you best find out on your own then. Here you go, maybe you’ll get it to work.” and with that Kashiwa was now in possession of some very thick tree wax and a syrup harvested from one of the local weeds. 

The processes for encasing an oak leaf was far more involved than he had ever imagined the task to be. There was boiling, mixing, burning his first leaf accidentally, having the second one fold on him and lose its shape, and when he finally had a leaf encased in resin, the resin was in the shape of a brick. 

A little one, but it still didn’t look all that good. 

It was easy enough to fix, if the word easy encompassed hours and hours of sanding to get a crystal clear finish as well as rounding a brick to look like a rounded river rock. He tied it into a necklace with sweetgrass and marveled at his creation. 

Yeah, he felt proud to have this represent his heart. 

The next time he came across Kotomi was one week later. She was practically bouncing in place when he entered the field, her hands hidden behind her back. 

And when he got close enough, he could see why. 

It was a crown, full of flowers from their field, tied together with long grass. She placed it gently on his head and he laughed. It wasn’t quite the way the Senju did it, but he preferred this way. An honest proposal, full of excitement and love. 

He didn’t think he got the necklace giving thing right either, but Kotomi had been thrilled with his oak leaf. 

The necklace she gave to him, however, was much more delicate than the one he had made. It was made from pewter, but he recognized the small flower having spent endless hours collecting it with Kotomi. “Nindou?”

Kotomi rolled her eyes, “Honeysuckle. It’s called honeysuckle.”

“Well,  _ you  _ call it honeysuckle. Senju have always called it Nindou.” It was an old argument. One they had spent hours on. Kashiwa was still convinced he was right. Who would call a plant honey _ suckle _ ? It didn’t even taste like honey and  _ suckle, really? _ What a stupid word.

“Just let me put it on you before I change my mind.” She sighed looping the leather band around his neck. 

“Ah, it’s too late! You’ve already given me a crown and without even asking my mother! How scandalous!” He cried placing the back of his hand on his forehead while fanning his face with the other one as he imitated a noble lady from one of his previous missions. 

“Scandalous indeed. Why you have not even shown me your battle prowess. I have only ever witnessed you fall from trees, trip into gopher holes and trip over roots.” She responded. 

“Guess we’ll just have to elope and save our families the shame!” He laughed and she giggled. 

Yeah, they were doing this. No Turning back.

~

Kashiwa, was (quite reasonably he might add) a nervous wreck every time he returned to the Senju compound once he and Kotomi had decided on a course of action. He broke out into cold sweats at the drop of the hat, tossed and turned on his futon, and had barely any appetite to speak of. For the most part, he played it off as illness or fatigue. 

Surprising it seemed to work. 

The idea of running away, was so unfathomable to most people, that his fellow clansmen didn’t even think that he might even consider it. They bought the idea of fatigue, hook, line, and sinker. 

It probably also helped that Kashiwa looked perpetually tired, and always seemed to be coming or going from a mission, trying to visit his and Kotomi’s field as much as possible so that when Tajima  _ (Uchiha Tajima clan heir and soon to be clan head, good and honourable kami, how was this his life!)  _ went on a long term mission, him and Kotomi could take to the hills as quickly as possible. The faster they left once Tajima was gone  _ (provided it wasn’t too soon, because what would they  _ do  _ if some well-meaning soul went and fetched Tajima and called him back with stories of a missing sister?)  _ the better their chances were for this whole running away plan they were going to attempt. 

“Nii-san? You’re looking pale again. Do you need to lay down? I can bring you some tea?” 

“Imouto…” and if this worked he would never see her or his mother ever again… “I’m okay, thank you though…”

His mother, as if summoned by his thoughts alone, peaked into the main room from the kitchen to stare at him and his sister. She wasn’t smiling and looked so serious as she watched him with heavy eyes. 

Kashiwa wouldn’t be surprised if she already knew what he was planning on doing. She had guessed at it almost a year previous after all. And while his mother had never been a shinobi, she was far from stupid. He was actually kind of surprised his imouto hadn’t brought up the fact that he had never petitioned the elders for the right to marry a civilian woman. 

“Kashiwa, dear, come help me in the kitchen. I’m making sukiyaki tonight, you can help me chop.” His mother turned back into the kitchen. 

Kashiwa’s brows furrowed, “Mom?” He followed her into the kitchen gamely allowing her to force vegetables into his hands as she ordered him to chop and get them ready for the pan. 

“You need one cup of soy sauce and one cup of mirin.” She told him as he chopped, “Don’t forget the sugar either, or it won’t taste right. I also add some sake, not anything expensive, any cheap sake will do, just for a little extra flavour.” His mother nattered on, and Kashiwa understood it for what it was. “Don’t forget to add a little ginger, you’ll miss it if you forget to add it!”

“I won’t forget Mom.” He promised and started to commit the recipe to memory. His mother couldn’t come with him, but her cooking could. He just had to remember how to do it. 

~

He stood in their field. Holding the girl he loved. He didn’t feel torn, even though he probably should, but this choice, while full of danger, had never been one he had ever hesitated to make. And with the news that Kotomi had given him, he had never felt lighter and more sure of his choice. 

“You’re sure?” He whispered holding her tighter. 

“I am positive.” She replied, and Kashiwa felt like he could fly. 

“I’m going to be a  _ dad! _ ” He whispered grinning like a fool. “I’m going to be the  _ best  _ dad! Just you wait! I’m going to teach the baby all sorts of things, like how to walk, and how to read, and our kid is going to be the best farmer, and you’re going to teach them all sorts of things about plants and how to help people!” and his excitement just kept growing, it felt like there was this ball in his chest that just kept getting bigger, filling him with light and butterflies and all sorts of good things, and “Holy crap, I’m going to be a  _ dad! _ ”

Kotomi giggled, “I will admit, I was worried about what your reaction would be, I am glad that this announcement brings you the same joy it brings me.”

“Kami, you’re going to be a mom! We’re going to be parents! This kid is going to be the  _ best  _ just wait!” And before he knew it he was picking Kotomi up and spinning her in a circle laughing, “This is the best announcement!”

And he was so happy it almost didn’t feel real. The sun was shining, the flowers were in bloom, and the woman he loved was carrying his child!

“I’ve never been more in love with you…” He whispered putting her on the ground so he could place his hands on her belly, “Kami, there’s a little someone in there!”

“They will have the best life. We will make sure.” Kotomi promised, smiling so widely it scrunched her eyes as she placed her hands on top of his. 

“We will have the best life. All 3 of us.” Kashiwa grinned. 

~

It was only habit that brought him to their field so late at night. Kotomi would surely not be there, but he always returned this way. He might even camp in the field tonight to delay his return to the Senju compound. He was finding it more difficult with every passing day to live his life within the compound. 

His life felt like a lie whenever he stepped through the gates. The compound had slowly become a place where Kashiwa felt less and less like a member and more and more like an infiltrator or an actor. A fake person playing some sort of role. 

His whole life had changed in the past year and he could tell no one about it. Not even his family. 

He was as good as married to a woman from another clan, was going to become a father in a few short months, was planning to live a life far away in a foreign land. He was learning how to farm from books and pestering the local herbologist (he suspected that she thought he was trying to flirt with her). 

But here in this field. He felt real. Perhaps Kotomi and the trees that surrounded this field were the only ones to truly know him now. He didn’t need to act like someone he was not here. He didn’t have to wear the mask of Senju Kashiwa, he could just be Kashiwa, last name pending because he and Kotomi could never agree on one that they both liked. 

Maybe she’d like Kazura?

“Kashiwa!” His head whipped around and despite the moon being high in the sky, Kotomi was there. 

“Kotomi?” She ran over to him, her basket discarded on the ground. 

“He is gone, he left two days ago and my father has left to meet with an important trading partner!” She whispered holding his arms. 

“It’s time to go, we’ll never get a better chance!” And this was almost too good to be true! “Okay, we’ll leave now. I’ve got my mission gear and I was ahead of schedule anyway, my clan won’t expect me back for another 3 days and even then they probably won’t worry until a week has passed.” A great calm filled him. 

They were doing this. Right now.

He felt like this, right here, with his hands holding the hips of an Uchiha woman, a woman that by all rights he should never have gotten the chance to meet, let alone grow to love, was what he was made to do. This right here was his future. He was holding it in his hands. He was holding her. 

“It is time.” Kotomi agreed.

He quickly stripped off anything with the Senju Clan marking on it before pulling out a kunai and cutting his long brown hair down, almost sheering it off leaving him with hair maybe a couple of centimeters long that stuck up off his head in crazy cowlicks. He dropped the locks on top of his overcoat which bared the Senju sigil and quickly pulled out his flint.

It all went up in flames. 

With luck, even if he was unlucky enough to be seen, he would be mistaken as someone from any other clan than the Senju. 

He turned his back to Kotomi and she climbed on, holding tight as he took to the trees heading north towards the Hagoromo Clan territories. 

Uchiha and Hagoromo had a notoriously bad relationship (not as bad as the Senju and the Uchiha but still…) it was their hope that once Kotomi was discovered missing, the Uchiha would mistake the disappearance as a kidnapping done by the Hagoromo, and with luck, they would assume her dead. 

He ran through the night, thanking the stars that he had taken so many courier missions and pushed himself so hard in his speed and endurance. He was tired and his muscles burned, but he could keep going. He could get further still before breaking for longer than the quick 10 minute spurts he took to drink and rapidly eat. 

With Kotomi on his back, he felt like he could go further than ever before. 

He was going to. He had to. 

So he ran. 

He ran until he was forced to stop and rest. He managed a rapid stretching his muscles before dropping to the ground, barely managing to pull out his bedroll. Kotomi blessedly took over, directing his tired body under the trunk of a fallen tree, wrapping them in his bedroll, before pressing them together for sleep.. She woke before him and prepared a simple meal of edible plants and berries and ginseng flavoured water. And then they were running again. 

A week passed before they came to the edge of Hagoromo Clan territory and Kashiwa was put to the test. Every step, every movement, he made with utmost care. The Hagoromo Clan mustn’t know he was here. 

He had never run so fast in his life, nor as carefully, and he thought the stress would kill him more surely than any angry Uchiha. 

With luck, they made it. 

It took them 3 stress-ridden days, but they made it. They had cleared the Hagoromo’s territory and Kashiwa turned to the west, to Hot Spring Country. 

By now, his clan would assume him dead. They might send out a search party, they might not. 

By now, someone would have noticed that Kotomi, a notorious loner, had not been seen around her family home. 

But here they were 10 days away from their field. 

10 days away, and even weighted down by Kotomi, Kashiwa was still able to keep running longer than the average ninja. Able to run faster. 

They were doing this. 

Hot Springs was a month away. A month of hard travel away. 

It would be worth it to be so far away. 

It would be worth it to run to a place that had no ties to any of the clans in the Land of Fire. 

They just needed to make it. 

Kashiwa dodged the shuriken by pure luck, his body twisting while Kotomi clung tighter to stay on his back. 

Sweat was running down his face, gathering in the small of his back. His muscles were hot and his feet were sore. 

He was either going to have to put this person down fast or run.

“Return Lady Kotomi at once and your death will be swift.” 

Kashiwa’s eyes jumped to the man that had attacked them. 

Black hair, pale skin, dark navy clothes that sported a red and white fan. If he looked at his face, he would bet that red spinning eyes would greet him. 

“Kaito!” Kotomi yelled, “Please leave! Please go!”

Uchiha Kaito pulled out more shuriken in response and Kashiwa saw the wire that ran between them. Uchiha shurikenjutsu was no joke, and Kashiwa saw their chances of getting away dwindle. He wasn’t a fighter. He never had been. 

“I’m here to rescue you, my Lady. Do not fret, I will have you home soon.” Kaito promised, and Kashiwa swore he felt the adrenaline flood his body piece by piece as he prepared for battle. 

“Kaito, no! You misunderstand! I left! I wish to leave, please! Let me go, pretend you saw nothing! Kaito return home, tell my brother you found my body, tell him I am dead!” Kotomi begged even as she slowly slid from Kashiwa’s back to give him more space to fight. 

Kaito wouldn’t attack Kotomi, but he would try to kill Kashiwa. 

One of them was going to have to die if Kaito didn’t back off and leave. 

“You… You what?” And his hands had dropped, his head had turned, no doubt to look at Kotomi. 

“I left, I chose to leave. Please go. This man holds my heart.” She pleaded, and Kaito’s head whipped around to no doubt look at Kashiwa again. 

“A betrothal necklace…” Kaito whispered and Kashiwa could hear the horror in his voice. 

“Please Kaito, please!” Kotomi cried and Kashiwa could hear the tears in her eyes even if he could not see them. 

“...I…” and Maybe this would all work out. Kaito seemed torn. “Your brother he’s…” 

“Kaito, please, please tell him I am dead. Let me die, let me go.” Kotomi begged, and Kashiwa kept his eyes on the enemy. He didn’t want to fight, please let this just happen. Please let Kaito return to the Uchiha with stories of death on his lips. 

“Kotomi-sama…” Kaito whispered, his hands dropping further before he angrily shoved his shuriken into his pouch. “You-you look after her!” He snarled his hands shaking as he tried to organize his equipment, “You keep her safe and never let her want for anything!” he yelled pointing an angry finger at Kashiwa. 

“I will.” Kashiwa promised, and it was the easiest promise Kashiwa had ever made in his life. 

“Fuck! Give me your obi or something! I’ll need something to-to!” Kaito was still yelling his hands in his hair pulling it visibly struggling with himself. 

And Kotomi pulled her obi off quickly before she dropped it onto the branch they stood upon, “Kaito, thank you.”

She climbed back onto Kashiwa’s back and he jumped taking off as quickly as he possibly could. 

Dear Kami, he prayed, Let our good luck last.

His body shook from adrenaline and his hair was slick with sweat. 

“Kashiwa, Kashiwa… I love you.” Kotomi panted against his neck, no doubt suffering from the same adrenaline crash. 

Kashiwa almost wanted to laugh, they were doing this! They would actually get away! They were going to-

He was falling.

Why?

Kotomi was screaming.

Why?

She wasn’t on his back anymore and he was lying on the ground.

Why was it so hard to focus?

“Kashiwa! Kashiwa! Please get up!”

Kotomi was grabbing him, rolling him over, her hands on his head. There was blood on her face. 

Something had hit him. Something had hit his head. He needed to get up.

He got his legs under him and pulled out a kunai, his eyes wildly darting around looking for the enemy. 

They landed on a man with black hair falling in his face. Eyes red and teeth bared. This wasn’t the Uchiha they had just left behind. This was a different man. 

“Aniue!”Kotomi screamed.

Uchiha Tajima. Kaito had tried to warn them.  _ Your brother he’s… _

“You have betrayed the Uchiha. You have betrayed your family.” Tajima decreed his sword already slick with blood, and Kashiwa felt himself morn for Kaito who had surely already departed for the Pure Lands. 

Kashiwa jumped and avoided the first strike lashing out with his kunai. He rolled to dodge the second, springing up from the ground and watching Tajima bring his sword down where Kashiwa’s head had just been. 

Kashiwa was poorly positioned, but he lashed out anyways with his kunai, aiming for the throat. He didn’t want to kill anyone, but he had a future. A family. 

His kunai bit into flesh, but he could tell it wasn’t deep enough, and his positioning left him unable to block. 

Tajima’s free hand caught his extended arm and pulled him forward past his body, momentum helping to carry Kashiwa forward. The sword in Tajima’s other hand came up in a stab, forcing his body into a painful, sudden stop. 

Kashiwa fell face-first onto the ground, a sword through his chest. 

Tajima kicked his body over, rolling him onto his back and pulled the sword from his body. 

He could hear Kotomi screaming. 

Liquid spilled from his mouth as he tried to breathe. He was drowning. He was drowning on dry land listening to his love scream. 

He needed to get up. He couldn’t die here. He had a future. 

He forced his body to roll onto its side. 

Tajima was walking away from him. Kashiwa watched him flick his sword off, blood flying from the blade. Kotomi was on the ground, kneeling in the dirt, tears running down her face, eyes a bright, bright red as she stared at him.

He was never supposed to look into an Uchiha's eyes. 

It was the first lesson any Senju was taught when they first began to train. 

His teachers had never told him how lovely the sharingan looked, and though he tried to get up, Kashiwa knew this was it. He didn’t have a future. His body wasn’t responding anymore, he couldn’t get it to move. 

He was glad that even though she was crying, the last thing he would see was Kotomi. 

Kotomi and her red, red spinning eyes. 

_ Before long, the seasons will pass _

_ And we will be taken somewhere else _

_ But right now, there’s only one thing I know _

_ Embrace me, silently _

**Author's Note:**

> END NOTES
> 
> *****SPOILERS******
> 
> The main character dies at the end of the story. He is stabbed through the chest and drowns on his own blood. 
> 
> ******END OF SPOILERS******
> 
> Kashiwa means Oak
> 
> Kotomi means Beautiful Heart
> 
> Kazura 和原 means Peaceful Meadow
> 
> Lyrics at the end of the story belong to the song Sakurairo Maukoro by Minako Kawae and are translated (original song is in Japanese). I felt like it was a fitting song for this story, as Sakura are often seen as beautiful for their impermanence, much like the love between Kashiwa and Kotomi. It also felt fitting to use the song since it references how the trees are the ones watching the couple and they will remember, even if no one else does. 
> 
> Engagement traditions: The Senju engagement traditions were not of my own creation and were instead inspired by Hang me a Flower Crown by theformerone, and you all should go definitely check it out! And as for the necklaces, well I just like them a heck of a lot more than rings. 
> 
> Nindou vs Honeysuckle: I thought that since the two came from different clans, they would have different common names for some things like in English we have ladybird and ladybug. They both mean the same thing, they just have different names. The plant in question that both are referencing is called Japanese Honeysuckle and is a common Kampo Herb. It is used for digestive problems and is reported to have a sweet taste. They are small white flowers. I thought it was fitting to have Kotomi give a necklace that had a healing plant represent who she was, as well as a flower that was delicate. The plant also served as a bonding moment between the couple as they had often fought over the correct name. 
> 
> This story was never meant to be as long as it became, but here we are. 
> 
> If you're still reading to this point, Thanks! And I hope you enjoyed!


End file.
